Equalitarian

Hey, everyone. You know, I wasn’t going to post this. It felt too controversial, too personal, and too different from what I usually write here. But I was talking to a friend about it this morning, and realized I was being an idiot. So here it is, and I apologize that the music post will have to wait until next week.

Life is a complicated thing.

Who am I? Who do I want to be? Who do others expect me to be? How much does that influence me? How much can I push the boundaries and still be true to myself? What do I want to fight for? What do I condemn, who do I blame, what do I question, what’s wrong, how much do I control who I am, and how much does society control who I am?

Those are all questions I’ve grappled with at one point or another, with whos and whats and whys all swirling around in my mind until my thoughts vaguely resemble soft-serve ice cream. I’ve answered them with science, with philosophy, with reasoning, with screaming, with insisting, with sitting in a corner and covering my ears (figuratively, in case you were wondering). Eventually, I’ve accepted that many of them don’t have answers. But some of them need answering, and I’ve developed some pretty opinionated viewpoints because of them. And for the questions above, I’ve noticed that a lot of them are wrapped up in society’s views on women.

But backing up, you might be wondering what has brought on this odd bit of reflection. Well, you can thank Jinlingbo and Neva for blogging recently on our society’s ideas of how women should look, which set me thinking about society’s ideas of how women should be in general, and how we attempt to change it. This happens to be something I once felt very strongly about (ask Windowsloth or Sam, and they will tell you some rather… interesting stories), though I now have a slightly different understanding of the matter. Hm… how to put this… I’m afraid I’ll be struggling for words a lot during this post, thanks to its slightly controversial nature and my own complicated feelings. But I’ll try to be as succinct as possible. So let’s get this started.

Being a woman is hard.

Surely you’ve heard that before, in one form or another. And there’s research to back it up. There are classes you can take that examine society’s double-standards and ridiculous expectations of women. There are cross-cultural studies that prove that being a woman is HARD, without a shadow of a doubt. No matter where you turn, the above statement is supported. Personally, I agree with it. But I’d like to change it just a bit. So consider the following statement in contrast with the last one:

Being a person is hard.

I’ve done a lot of research on men vs. women’s brains, and here’s the conclusion I’ve drawn. Feel free to disagree with me if you want, since this is just my personal opinion. But it seems to me that men and women have equal handicaps and skills. They’re different, yes, and rather hard to compare. But… to me, they seem to even out.  Men and women are different, very different, but they’re equal.

And being “equal” doesn’t just mean having equivalent brain power — it also means being subject to the same pressures. People tend to focus on women’s plight more because men have the upper hand in society. This is changing, though the change isn’t complete yet. But when I look at men and women, I don’t really see a giant inequality problem. I see two sets of people who are falling into roles that society has assigned them. Because… well… think about it for a minute.

Women are a failure if they can’t keep their family running smoothly. Men are a failure if they can’t support their family financially. Women are bossy and power-hungry if they succeed in the business world. Men are spineless and effeminate if they succeed as stay-at-home parents. Women are expected to be thin and beautiful. Men are expected to be muscled and handsome. Women must know how to cook. Men must know how to play sports.

Am I the only one who noticed the parallels between those sets of expectations? I think not. Women aren’t the only ones being oppressed here. Women tend to be the ones who speak up about it more though, because, first of all, we’re in a position of lesser power. This makes our complaints more acceptable to society. We also tend to talk and express ourselves more, since that’s how our brains are wired and it’s what we’ve been encouraged to do since birth. Seriously. Have you recently heard a guy get asked “How are you feeling?” or “How do you feel about this?” or even “Are you okay?” Boys are strongly encouraged not to share their feelings. Which makes it rather hard for them to speak up and point out that women aren’t the only ones who get roles assigned to them.

I’m not saying that women should shut up and just let themselves be shunted into the home or become spineless little creatures that only care about their outward appearance because society wants that of them, or that they shouldn’t complain because men get the same deal. I’m not saying that at all. I think that women should keep speaking up, should keep changing the social norm, and should keep fighting for lives and social images that they want. Women have a voice and an ability to change society’s expectations of them, and they should definitely use it. I guess what I’m trying to say is…

Men don’t have a better deal. Women shouldn’t feel like they’re getting the short end of the stick, because let’s face it — the stick was pretty short to begin with. And if women want equality, they should remember that men aren’t their enemy. Society is. But the good news is that we’re a part of society. This is our world, and we can change it. And while we’re at it, maybe we can get the guys some real equality too — you know, so that the preschool moms don’t shun the lone preschool dad, and in return the office attorneys won’t shun the female lawyer. Let’s get some real equality, and some realistic social expectations. Women don’t need to rule the world, and we’ve already got proof that it’s a bad idea for men to rule the world. So what if we ruled together? Just a thought.

So in conclusion (ack, that sounds so official!), I’m not a feminist, I’m not a misogynist. I’m an equalitarian (…Is that a word? Oh well, it is now). So please don’t treat me as inferior to men, because I’m not. Please don’t treat me as superior to men, because I’m not. Treat me as your equal, because that’s what we all are. Equal. We have the same enemy, the same problems, the same double-standards working against us. And the sooner we all realize that and change it… the happier we’ll be. I don’t know if you agree with me, and you don’t have to. But those are my thoughts on the matter. Thank you for reading this insanely long post. ^_^

Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend ~ Albert Camus